This is about Me.

My Life (mm-EYE l-EYE-f): def-
verb-
1. The daily existence of a person who goes by the alias of Kacie Renn Lynshah, and has many annoying, quirky, and otherwise character traits that she expresses freely.
2. A series of revelations set off by experiences taken from daily occurrences, the reading of Philosophy and Oprah magazine, interactions with others (whether they be the voices in her head, martians, or regular people), and brushing her teeth.
3. (My Life) can suck sometimes.

Synonyms: crazy, weird, odd, boring, geeky, spontaneous, freaky, idiosyncratic, dicey, wayward, amusing, stercoraceous, fanciful, mythical, lugubrious, blue, classic, wistful, pensive, colossal, unpredictable
Antonyms: bland, tame, sugar-coated, shallow, cursory, superficial, doltish, gullible, chipper

If I said I had (yet, ANOTHER) revelation today, would you be surprised? No? I didn't think so.

So what is it today? What life shifting, prodigious realization did you have now? You're on you toes, just waiting with baited breath for me to tell you, I know.

But what's funny is that I've had this one before. Repeatedly. And I don't know how many times I'll have to figure it out before it finally sinks in. Maybe it never will.

I want my life to mean something. I've written about it here before. But I never get past that. I never get past the conceiving stage. I never get to the action.

But I can't really live unless I have experiences, and in order to do that, I have to actually PUT MYSELF OUT THERE. And I don't know why, but it seems like my courage has suddenly left. The building where it used to reside is vacant. The question concerning that is whether it just decided it needed a change of scenery, or if it was evicted.

I can see all of these opportunities around me, and they are exactly what I asked for. But I can't seem to follow through on any of them. And I have no idea what's holding me back, because we all have only so much time to make something of ourselves. I should be over-joyed to take what is offered and use it to better myself, my life.

But my guts? They've also left me stranded.

I've heard of people before who think too much. Who analyze everything down to the tiniest detail.

I strongly dislike those people. They are the people who can't let go long enough to have fun.

But I think I'm one of those people. Or becoming one. And that scares me.

And the advice that is always given to those types of people is to just let their instincts take over. Be more like an animal, they (whoever the hell "they" are) say.

But how do you do that? Anybody know?

(chirp, chirp)

Guess not.

There's more to it then just that.... I just don't want to address it. And maybe that's another problem of mine. I just don't want to deal with my issues.

The perpetual procrastinator: I'll do it later.

Anyway, if you were curious as to what set me off this time, it was this article in close succession to this one. One of them, appropriately named What a Drag It is, just brought me down and weakened my defense system long enough for the next one, who was about somebody that I've met before, to really get to me.

And before I go, I'd like to just point out a general observation.

I've noticed that people, such as myself, who are involved in theatre generally keep to themselves. I don't want to say that they are shy, because obviously anyone who can't get up in front of people and make themselves look completely stupid (not all of the time, but a great majority of the time) are not shy. But they don't really share themselves with other people, not their whole selves. And that's why theatre is so good for them; they can put on any character they want to, make themselves anybody. It's a great evasion technique. And that makes me wonder something else: is theatre really a healthy activity then?

Of course, theatre people aren't all like that. There really are the genuine performers who like attention, people, getting to know people completely, and having others know who they are. But these people aren't specifically drawn to theatre. That would be a stereotype. Those type of people are evenly distributed throughout all of the world's hobbies.

So, with that brain food to chew on (has anyone ever thought about that besides me? What it would look like if a brain was actually chewing something?), I'll leave you. Have a good day, and thank you for reading.