My thoughts on optometrists and reading a Really Good Book

Sometimes reading a book is like going to the eye doctor...

Ma'am, can you make out the bottom line of letters?
Well, I can't see them in detail, but I can sort of make out the general shape of them...
Could you please read them?


That's what reading a really good book is like. If you can't see all the details and put them together in your head, then you're not getting the full picture, and the optometrist is going to write you up a new prescription.

Well, not really. You're optometrist isn't really there when you read a good book...

... Or, at least mine isn't...........................

Anyway, for example, when you read something really philosophical, but it's so good you can't put it down long enough to process everything that's going on. You can kind of see the shape of the story, you can follow along with the upfront plot of the whole thing. But you miss out on the more subtle details, the metaphors, the themes. And isn't that the whole point.

I guess that's what rereading a book is for.

And also what glasses are for.

But either way, whenever I read a really good book (e.i., The Ask and The Answer, sequel to The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness...), my brain just won't shut up. It just goes, and goes and goes until I have to actually flip the switch and turn myself off. (What? You can't do that? I thought everyone could...)

The point, my friends, is that a good book fuels the brain, to no end.

I've been thinking a lot about zombies lately.

Yes, I just finished the Maze Runner by James Dashner, and yes, that was amazing too. Not to mention, I've been reading andor watching a lot of apocalyptic crap....

And those two things are probably related. But anyhow....

I was thinking about zombies after I finished this book, and it had me wondering....

What if zombies are as scared shit less by themselves as we are of them???

Has anyone else ever considered this? I mean, all of the pop-culture stuff related to zombies has to do with how appalling they are, and how they have to be run from/killed/cured. I mean, you don't see any teen literature about how misunderstood zombies are.... Vampires get all the glory, and I'd say they are probably just as bad a zombies, just more romantic.

And what's so appalling about zombies? Their maggot infested, half-decayed flesh? Certainly. Their animated corpses. Yes, absolutely.

But it's their mindlessness that really gets me. How they don't seem to remember who they were, or what it was like to be human.

But what if that really isn't the case? What if, like vampires, they are merely construed as monsters, but really are just as humane as the rest of us, capable of living in society, with regular humans? What if they're sickened by what they've become, and their sudden craving for fresh human flesh? (Fresh Flesh, Fresh Flesh, Fresh Flesh!) What if, instead of having a completely empty head (literally... they're brains probably fell out long ago), they remember what it was like to be alive, and just want to get that back?

I'm just saying.... Why are zombies always the monster that never gets any sympathy?

So, I think I've made my point pretty clear.

OH, and I call dibs on the zombie sympathy, teen fiction novel, in which a zombie tries to integrate back into society without being detected for what it really is, and lives a normal life, going to school, falling in love, and eating terrible cafeteria food... In your FACE Stephenie Meyer!

And I'll wrap this entry up by saying that maybe it would actually be terrifying to have a mindful zombie. They would know exactly what they were doing, and they would know how to get to you better... Or at least that was what it was like in the dream I had the other night. But we'll save that story for another entry.

Thanks for reading!

P.S. What did the vegetarian zombies say?

Grains! GRAINSSS!

Hello, everybody. This me here. Just, you know.... Writing my blog.

So what's new?

Hm....

Well, yesterday I basically saw some body's leg snap in half.

Yep. That was exciting. And painful to see.

But not nearly as painful as she thought it was....

Hm... Ok.

I don't really know what to write today.

I wish I could just pick a random topic and inject some personality into it.

Like staplers... They're pretty bland, right?

So, what if I take a stapler, and then some paper, and right a romance novel about them? That would be interesting, right?

...


No, Can't do it.

Too dirty.

...

Ok, what if I write everything backwards?

?aedi doog a s'taht kniht uoy od

NO, it's too hard. It would take all freaking day to do something like that. And I'd probably be getting phone calls from my pastor asking if I wanted to schedule another appointment for an exorcism.

Like hell I do.

So, that leaves.... What?

It's raining today. Real hard.

Sigh. I guess some days you just don't have anything to talk about.

Thanks for reading guys. When did I become so boring?

Kleenex Hand Towels Parody

This pretty much says it all....

Every time I see this commercial, I cringe. What has America come to? Why is it so terrible to use plain-jane washable dish towels to dry your hands? They're just hands.... if they get wet, they'll dry, as will most other things. If you don't like using dishtowels, then just air dry... it won't kill you!

After seeing the real commercial (this one is fake, obviously... you probably guessed it since the word "parody" is in the title) I wonder if America really wants to change, or if it's doing stuff like this for attention.

We've become a two year old child, screaming and throwing things around when we don't get our way, just to get attention from all of the adults in the room. The only difference is that this two year old has money to throw around and the idea that all resources are infinite, and will magically appear once they've been depleted.

Hasn't the oil spill taught anyone anything? The earth has taken enough abuse, just at our hands specifically... why is it necessary torture it further?

Those people that are non-chalant and unconcerned.... I don't know how they haven't realized that this is a one shot deal. Once this is gone (and let me tell you, we've effed this one up pretty badly), that's it. Game over. No more.

It's either this place, mars, or the afterlife.

The sad part is that the world isn't full of those kinds of people. And by "those kinds" I mean the geniuses who thought up the disposable hand towel, or nuclear power-plants (basically anything whose con's far out way the pros). The problem is, they're running our government and innovation companies.

Can the rest of us fix what's been done?

Probably not. But we can sure as hell try.

Save the earth, don't buy Kleenex disposable hand towels.

Make the world a better place.

(P.S. The next time I go on an environmental preservation rant, I'll try to make it more comical for your amusement. This one was pretty hard core... as it should be for such a heavy issue. But when I approach this topic again, I'll bring my sense of humor with me.)

A Quote by Gertrude Stein:

"I am very busy finding out what people mean by what they say."

IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger! Where have you been? I've been worried sick!

What? You needed some space? Your server was getting overloaded?

But, I thought we had something special! A real connection....

Blogger, please don't do this. I'll be better! If you want space, I'll give you space. I'll make sure to double space all of my entries!

And if you're mad about my flippancy... Well don't be. I'll stop the coming and then leaving for long periods of time.

I'm just so glad you're back!

...

So, as you may have guessed (or not, because really that didn't make any sense if you didn't know the context of the situation), Blogger is back up and running.

Oh, you didn't know it was down to begin with?

Well, it was. And I'm not sure exactly how long it was down, but all I know is that I came running here in my time of need last night, wanting to fume about the general unfairness of the world and old people, and Blogger had abandoned me, left me on my own to actually deal with my issues like a regular person...

But that's all in the past now. And, unfortunately, so is that entry.

I know; you're heart broken.

But don't be too disappointed. Maybe someday I'll post the entry I pummeled out onto a word document (and trust me, I really had to convince it to come). And if not... Well, it will just be one of the world's unsolved mysteries. Like Atlantis. Or Donald Trump's Hair.

All thanks to Blogger.

You know, if I wasn't so ecstatic to have Blogger back, I would probably flip him (yes, Blogger is a him) the bird. And you know the one I mean.... *bloop-bloop-bloop* *FLASHFORWARD*

Me: (Scanning the tundra of Oz (and by Oz, I of course mean Australia, not the magical land where the munchkins dwell...) with a pair of super-blow-your-mind-high-tech-spy-gear binoculars) Look! There he is. Now stay quiet as we observe the majestically occurrence of the Erectified Somnitical Struthio camelus. In other words, an Ostrich standing while asleep.

Tourists: (Whoa. When did they show up?) Ooooo, Aaahh.

Me: (Tugging my cute, utilitarian safari hat over my be-goggled eyes) Now, keep your voices down; we don't want to wake it.

Tourists: (Staring in silence, intently, although they can't see as well as I can with my fancy-pants binoculars.... HA! Game, bitches!)

Me: It is a common practice here in The Outback for adolescents such as myself to go bird flipping... It is said to be the equivalent of cow tipping of our own Wisconsin.... Although, who really knew what the hell they were thinking when they came up with that tradition...

Tourists: (Silent, bland. Oh, except for the family from Wisconsin standing in the back, opening beer cans and glaring at me.... I guess you can please everybody.)

(P.S. I would make a TERRIBLE tour guide. In case you hadn't already deduced that)

Me: So.... (Pulling out a helmet and strapping it to my head) Who cares to have a go? But be careful, those buggers are almighty quick! (Chuckle, Chuckle)

*End of FLASHFORWARD or SCENE or WTHTHATWAS*

(He he... ba-ba-ba- bird BIRD ba-birds the word oh-well-a..... Now that song will be stuck in your head forever.)

Anyway, I guess, since I took all my angst out on my poor word pad last night, I'm really just checking in and warming up. I plan on taking a look at my half written book tonight... maybe I'll accomplish something, too!

Also, there's this really funny lady. And, I don't know if any of you (all of my numerous followers) have heard of her, but she's, uh, REALLY funny, and, uh, Well, she wrote a book recently, and you should check her blog out.... HERE! You may have to dig a little for the Really Funny Entries (and yes, they are so funny that I felt I had to capitalize "Really Funny Entries")

Also, someday in the near future, I'm going to change my template for this blog. I know I've mentioned it before, but I'm mentioning it again with the added on warning that I'm serious this time. So, be warned! Don't just skip over this part thinking, Oh, Pshhh, She'll never follow through, just to end up checking back in here a week later to find the site COMPLETELY different, and in turn triggering your epilepsy or panic attacks or Irritable Bowl Syndrome (Do you like how Irritable Bowl Syndrome is the only one capitalized?) or something equally as alarming. (And in case you're scoffing at the comparison of epilepsy and I.B.S (which stands for Irritable Bowl Syndrome, in case that escaped your notice), they are both equally upsetting.)

Oh, G! Would you look at the time! Considering I have a couple of chapters to write-slash-revise, and summer gym to top it all off in the morning, I've got to fly!

Thanks, as always, for reading! Sorry if my run-on sentences and confusing dialog triggered a seizure. Talk to my insurance company; they'll handle it.

Hello out there.....?

It's like I want to write, but I don't. You know?

So, I discovered something new today. I was flipping through the channels on TV, and I came to the end of the ones we normally get, so I kept flipping, waiting for the numbers to loop and go back to the beginning.

But that never happened.

I just kept flipping and flipping, and all of the sudden, BAM! There was music.

No, really. There was music. Did you know that there are actually channels that exclusively play music? Yeah, there are. And there are all genres imaginable. It kind of blew my mind.

Okay, so as you all know, I'm a vegetarian.

What? You DIDN'T know that? Oh, well now you do, I guess.

But anyway, I'm a vegetarian. I went to my Aunty's house over Memorial Day weekend (Why do they call it "Memorial Day Weekend?" Because, obviously the whole weekend isn't Memorial day...). Being a vegetarian is a wonderful, wonderful thing, and someday I'll write an elaborate blog entry about it. But right now, I'm going to explain the weirdness of barbecuing for a vegetarian on a meat holiday.

Maybe you can see the problem. So, being the considerate relative she is, my Aunty got these meatless chicken patties to grill up instead.

Yeah..... They tasted just like chicken. It was an odd experience. I felt like a cheater.

So....

Sorry guys. This entry isn't that great. I'm just writing for the sake of writing tonight; my heart isn't in it.

I'll try to post stuff more often. Tonight, though, it's getting late. I'm going to end this pathetic commentary and go to bed.

Thanks for reading.