Psh. Eff that.
You know what I think? I thing The Even is a load of crap. I don't CARE about The Stupid Event! It will probably end up being a surprise birthday party for the president or one of the Secretaries' kids little league game.
Below is a smooshed down account of the "mystical" Event:
Secretary of Defense: You guys, you guys! He's coming! The Event is almost upon us. Quick! Hide!
(All of the Secretaries, plus the first lady and children, turn off the lights. Everyone hides where ever they can. Well, everyone except the Designated Survivor, because, frankly, he never knows what the hell is going on.
Footsteps can be heard coming down the hall. They all hold their breath. The President of the United States, who is holding a newspaper, opens the door and flicks on the lights.)
EVERYONE: SURPRISE!!!!
THE PRESIDENT, looking surprised: Aw, shucks you guys! How did you remember it was my birthday?
The first lady: How could we not? We've been planning it for forever!
THE PRESIDENT: Really?
EVERYONE: OF COURSE!
The Vice-President: And we have something else to tell you...
THE PRESIDENT: What is it?
The Secretary of Defense: Welcome to The Event!
THE PRESIDENT: THIS IS THE EVENT?!
EVERYONE: YEP!
THE PRESIDENT: Why didn't you tell me?
The First lady: We wanted it to be a surprise!
THE PRESIDENT: Well, I'm surprised.
The Vice-President: Isn't that wonderful! Now, how wants cake?
THE PRESIDENT: Uh, you guys?
EVERYONE: WHAT?
THE PRESIDENT: As much as I appreciated all of this, I've got some really important business to take care of. In the, uh, oval office.
EVERYONE: OH. (They look again at the news paper in his hand.) Oh, we understand.
(righting them selves from crouching on the tiled floor, and disentangling limbs from the shower curtains, Everyone exits the bathroom.)
THE PRESIDENT, lifting the lid on the toilet, calls them back: Hey! You Guys! Take the Designated Survivor with you! (muttering to himself) Jeez, how did he get in there?
THE END
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